What to do if you quarrel in the evening: therapists' advice

According to psychologists, the urge to urgently resolve a conflict late at night may increase tension rather than relieve it.

According to Medicalxpress, citing an Associated Press story, experts are increasingly calling for this attitude to be abandoned and a healthier model of interaction - respecting emotions, fatigue and personal boundaries - to be adopted.

"It's a completely misguided rule," says clinical psychologist Samantha Whiten of Maryland. - All it accomplishes is that couples start arguing when they're already exhausted."

While many find it difficult to fall asleep without resolving a conflict, expecting every argument to end beautifully before bedtime is not only naive, but unrealistic. According to Whiten, this behaviour is often linked to anxiety and a desire to avoid uncertainty, even at the expense of the quality of communication.

She recalls the HALT principle, an important technique from therapy: don't start serious conversations when you are hungry (Hungry), angry (Angry), lonely (Lonely) or tired (Tired). All of these things impair emotional self-regulation and increase the risk of saying something you'll regret.

Clinical psychologist Sabrina Romanoff from New York agrees: late evening may seem like a good time for dialogue, because both partners are at home, but that doesn't mean it's the right time. Instead of trying to "solve everything quickly", it's better to pause, acknowledge the problem and agree to come back to it later - in the morning, over lunch or in a quiet setting. The key is to actually keep that promise.

"It takes skill," Romanoff says. - The partner has to be able to trust that the conversation will happen, even if not immediately. Most couples have to practice that."

It's also important to be able to distinguish between a healthy pause and avoidance. A temporary retreat provides a respite, but doesn't remove a commitment to discuss the issue later. This is especially valuable for those who perceive silence as rejection.

"Being able to say to yourself, 'I'm fine, we'll discuss this later' is key to emotional maturity," Whiten emphasises.

To reduce the risk of serious arguments, experts advise implementing regular "emotional check-ins" - small communication rituals that create space for dialogue.

"Even the simple question, "How was your day?" helps build emotional safety in a couple," Romanoff notes.

And when tension does arise, it's not just the words that matter, but the form of them: "me-messages," specific requests, and agreeing on steps that will help improve the situation. And - yes - the timing of the conversation matters, too.

"Communication is not only about what to say, but also when to say it, " emphasises the psychologist.