What not to say when someone's pet dies: psychologist's advice

According to the observations of psychologists, after the death of a pet, unsuccessful, even devaluing phrases are often heard. Why does this happen, and what is really worth saying to a person at such a moment?

About this tells the publication The Conversation.

Why grief over a pet is often not taken seriously

Today, pets are perceived not only as companions, but also as full members of the family. They are congratulated on their "birthday", share a bed with them, and appear on holiday cards. However, when an animal dies, public support is sharply weakened: grief is devalued, condolences are insincere or absent.

Psychologists call this state "discredited grief": it is when society does not recognise your suffering, does not give you the opportunity to grieve openly. It occurs, for example, after a miscarriage, divorce, job loss - and especially after the death of a pet. In these cases, a person is often faced with loneliness and inner shame about their feelings.

The three worst phrases not to say are

1. "It's just an animal."
   This phrase, which sounds like an attempt to comfort, only emphasises that the pain of loss is "not serious". But in reality, for many people, a pet is so much more than that. There are routines, emotions, feelings of comfort, and even self-identity associated with it. Losing a pet is not just saying goodbye to another cat or dog, but losing a true companion in life. The right thing to do would be to simply acknowledge the importance of that bond and say, "I'm sorry."

2. "I know how you feel."
   Many sincerely try to support loved ones with such words, but in fact it shifts the focus from the person's feelings to the interlocutor's own experience. Grief is an individual process and needs to be given space and time. It's better to just be there and express sympathy: "I'm around if you want to talk", "It's really hard".

3. "You can always get another one."
   Such a phrase sounds like advice or an attempt to "solve the problem," but actually reduces the uniqueness of the bond with the departed pet to something replaceable. Every animal is unique and cannot simply be "replaced" with a new one. It's better to be patient and make it clear that you are willing to support the person for as long as it takes.

Why silence is not the answer

When they don't know what to say, many people choose silence. But this response only increases the feeling of isolation in the person who has lost a pet. It's as if it confirms, "Your pain doesn't matter."

Simple, sincere words are much more valuable than long discourses or advice. You can call the name of the departed animal, ask what exactly the person is missing, remember a funny incident, just let cry or be quiet together.

How to support the person during the bereavement

• Don't devalue grief, don't compare and don't immediately "replace" the loss.

• Give the person a chance to remember their pet, name it, talk about what was especially dear.

• It is important not to rush the grieving process: support is valuable even weeks or months later.

• Show that his feelings are normal and worthy of respect.

Losing a pet is not just an everyday event, but the loss of a special bond and rhythm of life. Grief for a pet deserves the same involvement and support as any other significant loss.