Sincere attention can bring you closer than a declaration of love

In every culture there is an emotional state that we call "being touched", "moved", or "warmed by the warmth of the heart".

Scholars are increasingly using a universal term for this - Kama Muta - borrowed from Sanskrit and meaning "to be touched by love". It's not just an emotion, but a whole range of experiences including warmth in the chest, a lump in the throat, goosebumps, a sense of closeness and a desire to deepen the connection with another person.

A new study published in the journal Emotion shows that this powerful emotion may not be triggered by anything grandiose, but by quality listening in casual conversation.

Details: Dvori Saluk et al, Harmonising hearts: High-quality listening and Kama Muta among listeners and speakers, Emotion (2025). DOI: 10.1037/emo0001555. psycnet.apa.org/record/2026-31812-001

"Good listening is paying attention, seeking to understand the other and genuinely accepting their experience without judgement," explains one of the study's authors, Associate Professor of Psychology Kenneth DeMarrie from the University of Buffalo (USA).

The scientists conducted three studies involving more than 1,100 people to find out how high-quality listening affects Kama Muta - both in the one who speaks and in the one who listens. All experiments confirmed: the better we are listened to, the more we open up - and the deeper we feel emotional intimacy.

What is Kama Muta?

Researchers identify five key components of this experience:

1. A sense of community - a feeling of "we are together."

2. Positive colouring - joy, tenderness, emotion.

3. Physical reactions - warmth in the chest, tears, goosebumps.

4. Motivation to get closer - a desire to strengthen the relationship.

5. Meaningful labelling - recognition - "It was touching."

"We found that people who felt truly listened to were more likely to report all of these manifestations - both as speakers and listeners," DeMarrie emphasises.

How the research was conducted

In the first experiment, participants were asked to recall an act they regretted and imagine having a conversation with someone who was either listening attentively or not. In the second, real conversations were recalled in which the participant shared something important and rated how well they were listened to. In the third, real-life dialogues were recorded in which one person talked about a significant event and the other listened. Both rated how well the dialogue went.

"Good listening allows us to deepen the conversation and increases the sense of intimacy," says DeMarrie. - "The deeper the conversation, the more likely we are to experience Kama Muta."

Why it matters

The authors believe the findings have practical implications for interpersonal relationships, therapy, pedagogy, and even business communication.

"Listening is a powerful tool that affects not only our mood but also our motivation to develop connections," notes DeMarrie. - "This is especially true for friendships, love, and even work relationships."

While the third study showed slightly less pronounced results in the speakers (they did not have all five signs of emotion noted), the general direction was the same: the more attentive and sincere we are listened to, the more this state of inner unity emerges.

The scientists admit that the results are not universal: the sample was culturally and linguistically limited, and reactions may depend on the context of the conversation. However, this does not invalidate the main conclusion:

"Kama Muta doesn't just occur at weddings or in films. It can happen right now - if we just really listen to each other," DeMarrie concludes.