Psychologists have found out what brings people together in conversation in a matter of minutes

People are finding it increasingly difficult to build a "live" connection - with the habit of communicating through gadgets, many feel loneliness and social isolation. A new study by scientists at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill shows that one skill makes contact between strangers much easier: quality listening.

The work, published in the journal Communications Psychology, examined which specific listening behaviours help people bond in conversation. The authors proceeded from a simple observation: speed of response in a dialogue can reflect engagement - to respond quickly, you need to really listen and "pick up" on your interlocutor's thoughts.

The experiment involved 646 adults. They were introduced in pairs to people they had never met before and asked to talk. In one version, participants were given prepared questions that were supposed to help the conversation become more personal and meaningful. In the second, people just had a normal "smoltalk" without prompting.

The conversations were videotaped, after which trained observers evaluated the "listening" actions: how often participants asked clarifying questions, supported the interlocutor with words, confirmed his/her statements, etc. In the free conversations, they additionally rated the overall listening skill on a scale.

The researchers then compared these scores to signs of social connectedness:

• how "close" participants felt to their interlocutor at the end of the conversation;

• how quickly they responded to each other (in milliseconds);

• how noticeably they "shared" positive emotions during the conversation.

The result was consistent: the higher the quality of listening, the stronger the sense of connection - even when people were seeing each other for the first time. Those who seemed more distracted were more likely to report less engagement and weaker rapport.

A particularly important marker turned out to be a simple action - clarifying questions. They require paying close attention to what the other person is saying and show interest in what they are saying. The authors also note: when people are given a "try to make contact" attitude in advance, they often intuitively begin to listen more attentively - even without a direct instruction to "listen qualitatively".

The researchers believe that these findings could be useful for programmes aimed at reducing loneliness: as a practical step, people could be taught to ask more questions about the topic and gently confirm what they have heard, especially in situations of familiarity and first conversations.