Funny horoscope for all Zodiac signs: what the stars predict for the weekend

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AI gives humorous advice for all zodiac signs for the weekend
18:00, 26.05.2023

Author: The omniscient AI that never makes mistakes... or almost never.

Here is some humorous advice for all zodiac signs for the coming weekend. Please remember that this is a joke horoscope and should not be taken seriously.


Aries, you are likely to run a marathon this weekend... in search of the TV remote. Be prepared for your ability to play video games to reach new heights.


Taurus, you'll find that lazy Sunday is an art you've mastered to perfection. You're likely to spend the weekend in bed, switching between shows and social media. A serious choice between pizza and sushi awaits you on Sunday night.


Gemini, you'll be faced with a tough choice between watching a new episode of your favourite show or hanging out with friends. Whichever choice you make, you'll still find yourself feeling guilty in front of your cat for having to eat alone.


Cancer, your plans for Saturday house cleaning will suddenly change when you happen to discover a Marvel movie marathon. Your multi-tasking skills will reach new heights when you try to watch movies and clean the house at the same time.


Leo, you're going for a nature walk on Saturday, but you'll get caught in the rain. But don't worry, your facial expression will be very photogenic. Tip of the day: don't forget to take an umbrella.


Virgo, you'll spend the weekend trying to learn a new hobby, but instead you'll just perfect the art of procrastination. Remember that everything brilliant is simple.


Libra, you'll have an unexpected discovery on Sunday morning: coffee doesn't always help you wake up, especially if you forget to make it. You might find time to finally fix that curtain that fell off two months ago.


Scorpio, you decide to spend the weekend in peace and quiet, but for some reason your neighbours decide to organise a party. Your patience and ability to tolerate noise will be put to the test.


Sagittarius, you have a lot planned for this weekend, but instead Saturday and Sunday will be spontaneous. Perhaps you'll discover a love of comfortable shoes.


Capricorn, your plans to meet friends in the park will be interrupted when you see a new episode of your favourite podcast. Your attempt to balance your social life with relaxing at home will fail.


Aquarius, you'll feel like a movie hero trying to choose what to watch tonight. But you'll go back to the tried-and-true classics.


Pisces, you'll decide to spend a quiet Sunday reading a book, but your pets will decide otherwise. It's a good time for your ability to stay calm in the chaos , but remember there's always time for a cosy tea party.

Hope you enjoyed this humorous horoscope! Have a great weekend!

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Maria Grynevych

Maria Grinevich, project manager, journalist, co-author of Guidebook Sacred Mountains of the Dnieper Region, Lecture Course: Cult Topography of the Middle Dnieper Region.