Tips for women. How to save a relationship during the war

Relationships in a couple are under the threat during the war.

Why this happens, says Olga Kotlyar, a practicing psychologist in the method of gestalt therapy, transactional analysis, cognitive-behavioral therapy in the TG channel " Psychological support ".

🟢Angry and claims to each other

The human psyche is prudent - it is important to understand the meaning and meaning of each emotion and learn how to express them correctly.

Everyone needs anger like air. Because of aggression, we close our needs and build interpersonal boundaries of contact with people and with partners in relationships.

Now anger is actually being raised against the aggressor, against a situation that cannot be resolved at one's own level, because war is a political matter, not a romantic one.

Claiming her husband: “You can’t decide anything!”, “Do you have your own opinion ?!”, “You don’t understand me,” etc., a woman thus drives him into a corner.

☝️ It is important to understand: yes, your man cannot solve some issues right now. But with criticism in his direction, with the depreciation of the personal ambitions of the second half, you definitely won’t get the result.

📝This can be easily verified. Try to answer the question: what result have you already achieved by suppressing your partner's ego?

Now think about how happy you are with the result you have.

What to do?

🔹Support each other, learn to hear who can do what and who cannot give what during this period. Solve the problem together, and not on your own, so that later you can get angry and offended.

🔹Speak to each other through "I-message" instead of "You-message". For example: "I'm asking for your help" instead of "You're not helping me!".

🟢Men don't cry

Every woman has an image of her and only her hero. In the female imagination, most often a man is strength, determination, the ability to make decisions, earn money and be responsible for the well-being of the family. And when a woman sees fear, despair, helplessness and tears in the eyes of a man, her expectations are “broken” with pain in her heart.

And in such cases, relationships in a couple begin to lose their meaning, because the woman ceases to see the hero in the man, and the man "closes", avoiding communication for fear of being himself and showing his human nature.

Let's add here a sense of guilt in men and shame at the same time for their emotions. And a woman has resentment and fear to trust such a man. What should both do?

❗️Remember: there is a person, and there are his reactions. Each person has his personal reactions to some event, but there are feelings for you.

🔹 It is important not to confuse these 2 points, because all people cry from pain, as well as laugh from joy, except if laughter is not caused by a defensive reaction to what is happening.

🔹 And each reaction or look does not characterize a change in attitude towards you personally. In addition, to feel sorry for someone is to devalue any person even more. Sorry humiliates, and resentment does not solve the essence of the problem. Learn to separate your partner's emotions and feelings for you.